Mental Resolve
by 100EMERALD
Summary: Momo is in the hospital recovering after the Winter War. She decides to reflect back on previous experiences, and writes a letter to Toshiro. **Minor spoilers if you haven't gotten to the Winter War arc yet**


**A/N **Hey, guys! I just had this idea in my head for a while, so I decided to get it typed up. It's not long, but it's just a little something I thought I'd post.

Also, for those of you who are reading "Healing Each Other" I'm sorry I didn't post on Sunday! I'm kind of having a little writers block with that story, and I plan to completely scratch and rewrite the 7th chapter before I post it. I'd also like to actually finish getting the rest of it written, so I might not post for a while. I know I said I'd post more than once a week, but I changed my mind! Sorry :o

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, but if I did there'd be a lot more HitsuHina action going on.

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Dear Toshiro,

I think I owe you… a lot. I owe you a "thank you" and I owe you an apology. I owe you a huge apology. I'm still recovering in the hospital, and I can't leave, but I really want to talk to you. I have so much to say, but I'm actually too scared and too ashamed to say it to your face. So, I'm going to write you this letter.

I want to start of by apologizing for a number of things. I want to apologize to you for not believing you when you told me Aizen was behind everything. I suppose I owe the whole Gotei 13 this apology, as well. I also want to apologize for putting you through so much. When I get hurt, I know it has an effect on you, as well, and it was all my fault I got hurt this time.

I know how guilty you feel for stabbing me, but I know that wasn't your fault. I wish you'd come visit me so we could talk about everything. Rangiku comes to visit me sometimes, and she tells me how obvious it is that you feel terrible about what happened. Please don't feel that way; it hurts me inside knowing that this experience haunts you and torments you so much.

I'm really sorry for not being a better friend over these past years. You've been there to protect me every time something happens, and when have I ever done the same for you? I've been so blind, and I failed to see every day that you were the one who's been protecting me, trying to keep me safe all these years. You're the one I should have looked up to, not Aizen.

That name still makes you very angry, doesn't it? That reminds me: I'm sorry for talking about Aizen so much when we were kids, after I started attending Shino Academy. I never realized it, but it made you feel insignificant, didn't it? Before I left it was just you and me, and you were the number one person in my life. When I talked about Aizen it made you feel like I didn't care about you anymore, right?

I just wanted to say that I do care about you, and there wasn't ever a time that I didn't. Sure, I was a little confused after being put back in the hospital a second time, but I never hated you, or blamed you for anything. You never meant to stab me, and you never meant for any of this to turn out the way it did. I didn't want things to go like this, either.

There's also a lot of things I'd like to thank you for. Being in the hospital has given me a lot of time to think about all the things you've done for me, and not once did I thank you. Somehow, everything was wired back to Aizen. Even before I left for Shino Academy, you did so much for me and I never thanked you. You never seemed to bothered by it, though, but still.

Remember that time when those kids were picking on me back at Junrinan? You told them off, and saved me. I was too nice to say anything to the kids, even if they were making fun of me. You, on the other hand, wouldn't let them get away with it, and I was never sure why. Lots of kids picked on you, and you never said anything, but you wouldn't let anybody say anything to me. I never thanked you for that, so I guess I should now. Thank you for protecting me from those kids, Toshiro.

There was also that time when Granny was out, and I was supposed to be watching over the meal that she was cooking until she got back. I accidentally burnt some sauce that she'd been making, and I got so upset. Don't you remember how I thought Granny was going to get so mad at me, and I'd never be able to live it down? When she came home and saw the burnt sauce, you took the blame and told her that I'd been helping you out with a problem and that I wasn't able to look after the food. Thank you for doing that, because back then burnt sauce seemed like a much bigger deal to me than it would now.

Thank you for putting up with me talking about Aizen so much. I hadn't really thought about this until just a short while ago, but thank you. When I'd come visit you and Granny I sure did talk about him a lot. You never really said anything, except for how you didn't really understand how he was that special. You never told me I was being stupid, or to stop talking about him and talk about something else, though. Thank you for being so nice about it.

I'm sure you remember when you arrested me and Kira after I'd attacked him. You're probably going to think I'm crazy for saying this, but thank you for arresting me. If you hadn't showed up and taken that action, I could have made the situation a whole lot worse. You were trying to protect me, weren't you? I didn't understand that back then, but I get it now. You were the mature one.

Last but not least for now, thank you for never giving up on me. You have no idea how much it means to me that you've stayed by my side all these years. You have been one of the few things that's a constant in my life, and I'm glad. After I attacked you because I thought you killed Aizen, you could have given up on me, and stopped caring for me, but you didn't. Even when I was at my most vulnerable and utterly weak state, you were there for me.

I feel like this letter should be a whole lot longer. There's so much I want to say to you, but I feel so ashamed. I also realized that I'm probably never going to let anyone see this letter, not even you. Yes, it's addressed to you, but I think I'm writing this so I can find at least some peace of mind. Even if I haven't talked to you yet, I still feel a whole lot better knowing that I was able to write this letter expressing everything I've felt.

Not even Rangiku will see this letter, even thought I'd trust her with it (surprisingly). If you're wondering why, it's because she gave me the letter from Aizen you found when everything first went down. You found it, but you gave it to her, and she gave it to me. I know you don't think she's too responsible, but she didn't show anyone that letter, and I think it was amazing of her to do that.

When you get a chance, please come visit me. I'd come to your division, but I can't leave the hospital just yet. I know you're busy, but I'd really like to see you if you have any free time. We don't even have to talk about anything if you don't want, but I'd feel a lot better if I could at least see you. If you want me to get better, you should know that getting to see you would help a lot. I… I love you, too. (That's another thing I'd be afraid to say to you in person, even though I know you'd be mature about it.)

Yours truly,

"Bed-wetter Momo"


End file.
